Allergies and Mental Health

Did you know that people can get PTSD due to allergic reactions?

Did you know that young kids with allergies often REFUSE to eat new foods for fear of an allergic reaction causing the to become picky eaters and at a risk for malnutrition?

So this post is for all those that have stood in the grocery store and sobbed because you can’t find anything for your family to eat that is safe.

For those that are stressed about money because your grocery bill skyrocketed since allergies were diagnosed.

For those that feel like you never leave the kitchen because you have to make everything from scratch to ensure it is safe for your family.

For those that stay at home instead of going out for dinner at a restaurant, because the thought of eating there or having your kid eat there and react makes you have a panic attack.

For those that stress every time their kid is playing anywhere that isn’t at home, wondering if someone ate something recently that your kid is allergic to…what did they touch? Will you be judged for wiping down everything in the area? What is too much? And then wondering if it might better to just stay home.

For those who decline invites to friends houses because you don’t know how well they clean and you don’t want to offend them by requesting they clean everything first.

For those who want to get frustrated with toddlers who aren’t eating in a high chair and are running/crawling around with their food; everything they are touching is now contaminated and a risk for your child or you. (Trust me I’ve been guilty of this too).

For those who try to act all cool in public but inside you are panicking about everything.

For those that carry an epi pen at all times because you never know when you might need it and the thought of being without causes you to break out in sweats.

For those who panic about trying new foods or starting new trials for ingredients, unsure what the reaction will be.

For those who constantly run through what to do for an anaphylactic response because you are worried you will miss something important.

For those that hear an ambulance and cringe inside, having flashbacks and reliving of previous reactions and the terror it causes.

For those that second guess everything, wondering if something could be related to an allergic reaction or if it’s in your head. Is that a rash, hives, a bug bite or a scrape?

For those that can’t go out in public without wearing an N99 mask because you are airborne reactive to many foods.

For those that are harassed at work or disrespected due to allergies meaning you no longer have a safe work environment.

For those who have to pay an arm and a leg to get medications compounded specially so that they are safe for you to take.

For those that are told that your baby can’t react to food through your breastmilk, to just eat whatever you want but your baby is in pain and screaming, so what else could it be.

To those who religiously check ingredients and stress about what’s in their food.

To those who have misread, or don’t reread a label and have such guilt for feeding their child something that could have killed them.

For those who have nightmares of accidentally killing their child by improperly checking ingredients.

For those that have family that doesn’t respect your boundaries you have put up to protect you or your family and put you at risk, causing you to feel unheard, alone and always in fear.

For those that don’t have a supportive spouse or significant other, to not have someone else looking out for you.

What many may not know or understand is how much allergies can affect ones mental health. I sure didn’t. I thought I understood as I discovered my allergies to gluten and dairy while in highschool and I thought it was the worst imaginable diagnosis.

I didn’t truly understand until my daughter was diagnosed at 3 months of age. I spent so many nights holding a screaming baby and bawling. I would go to the grocery store and sob over my empty shopping cart because my normal staples we couldn’t eat anymore and I had to start from scratch.

Allergies are debilitating. They can cause stress, anxiety, can break relationships, cause self doubt or fear, financial difficulty and everything that goes along with it.

For those on this journey, I am here, we all are. We understand. Find a support group of others with a similar allergy. Share your fears, share your tips or foods that you have discovered. Get medical help if you feel you have anxiety, depression, PTSD or any other mental health issues that are damaging to you, your family or is putting your health at risk. The treatment may look like medication, or it may not, but don’t be scared to get help.

To others, advocate for change, support your loved ones, try to learn about others allergies, what you can do to make it easier for them. Make a change in your office if a coworker is feeling unsafe due to their food allergies. Don’t wear strong perfumes or scents as it is disrespectful to others around you. Put out a teal pumpkin and have non food treats during Halloween. Don’t be offended if someone asks you to not eat something near them or to wash your hands after you eat, and if you do wash your hands, please wash them properly, not just tinkle them under some water.

All this to say that allergies are so incredibly complex and difficult. Let’s build each other up and create supportive environments for everyone.

If I missed anything or have a story to share, please comment. I would love to hear from you.

To my husband

I feel so incredibly blessed to have my husband as my helper and support through this crazy walk called life.

He supported me through nursing school, and while I was working shift work. He never complained with all the crazy stories I brought home from work working as a nurse (sorry, I know some of them aren’t meant for the dinner table, whoops).

Yes, we have had our ups and downs, but I recently I have tried to really look at everything he does for our family, and the sacrifices he has made for us.

He may not know a tonne about medical things or understand everything our daughter V is going through health wise, but he has done so much to learn and support us in this crazy journey.

When V was born we were stuck in a windowless isolation room in the NICU for 7 days. Instead of going home, he slept on those pull out couch loungers in the hospital with me, forsaking good sleep to be at our side. He couldn’t truly take time off work, so he was on the phone and answering emails, doing his very best to be present at all times so he could help.

He has never shied away from messes she makes or smelly diapers she fills.

He has tried to understand the medical jargon, and though he doesn’t have the time to do the research like I have had, he listens and learns as much as he can so he can help.

He has been a shoulder to cry on and a smile to laugh with.

I love watching the love and awe in his eyes when he sees our daughter.

Is he a baby sitter? No. And he would be incredibly offended if I referred to him that way. He is V’s dad. Just like I watch and parent her during the day, he often watches and parents for her when I need something done.

When I feel done and drained, he asks what he can do, and does it. It may not always be the way I do things but it helps, and I don’t think I tell him that enough.

This isn’t to say he is perfect. Nobody is. And of course I have had moments when I feel frustrated, I feel alone. I’m doing all this work for V, making sacrifices dietary wise and sometimes it feels like, sanity wise. I often get blinders. I don’t see the work he is doing, the countless overtime hours so that he is caught up and due to this can’t spend time with us at home as a family.

I was feeling burnt out and that V wasn’t seeing him enough, and so he now comes home for supper and then goes back to work as needed, sometimes until early morning. Some days he is as drained as me, but he will get up if V wakes up crying if I am too tired to.

It’s when I have felt most alone, without his support, that I have realized that he is there as much as he can be. He is struggling through this journey called parenting right along with me, our journey filled with specialist appointments and allergies.

Everyone always says that you will fall more in love with your husband when you watch him with your child. I didn’t understand until this past year.

My heart feels close to bursting at times.

All of this to say, take the time to really look at your significant other. Step into their shoes. Try to understand from their perspective. If you are frustrated or feel alone, try to look at all the things they do for you or your family.

Don’t tally your frustrations and their failings, look at where they have stepped up, the moments where your heart is full, the little things they do.

By looking at the positive moments more, everything feels a little clearer, things don’t seem so difficult, and I personally feel more at peace.

So tell them how you feel, thank them for their support. Thank them for being your partner, your teammate, the person struggling through life with you together, holding you up when needed.

I’m not saying it shouldn’t be expected that dad’s do these things, but I truly love having a partner who does these things because he wants to be a part of our parenting journey. Someone to shoulder the burden. Someone who steps up when needed, loves our family and truly would do anything for us.

So thank you to dad’s out there, but a special thank you to my hubby, for everything you do. I love you and feel blessed to call you mine.